


Anew

by jaestiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M, i wrote this very hurriedly hh, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-08
Updated: 2013-07-08
Packaged: 2017-12-18 03:06:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 850
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/874934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaestiel/pseuds/jaestiel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I started singing "I Miss You" by Miley Cyrus (I have no idea why, please don't ask.) and I started feeling sad because I realized that it could be a possible Dean/Cas AU. So I wrote this.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Anew

**Author's Note:**

> I started singing "I Miss You" by Miley Cyrus (I have no idea why, please don't ask.) and I started feeling sad because I realized that it could be a possible Dean/Cas AU. So I wrote this.

One would think that after losing so many people, it would be easier to cope with another death. That after all of your siblings had been brought to their fall and some had died in front of your eyes, it would hurt less to see just one human die in your arms. 

Perhaps the hurt that came from the fall of the angels and the death that Castiel had brought upon the others when he attempted to become God hadn’t really hit him. _Couldn’t_ hit him. Because he had forgotten about it, or more accurately, the memories were erased from his mind. If one had learnt about all the pain and suffering that he lived through and had now disremembered, they may have said that it was an act of God. That Castiel was lucky to have had those memories wiped away.

But amidst the bad that was, there had also been good. There had been laughter and jokes and experiencing humanly things for the first time. There had been forgiveness and welcoming. There had been smiles and hugs. There had been ‘We’re family’s. There had been ‘I need you’s.

Castiel doesn’t remember any of that anymore. 

When Castiel had fallen from Heaven, all that had been his was not anymore. He had walked with feet he hadn’t remembered he had, had held on to an arm with a hand he hadn’t known was his, had felt with skin he himself hadn’t explored. 

It had been like Castiel was born anew. That that day had been his first and everything he had learnt in the thousands of years he had lived had all gone to waste. 

Castiel doesn’t know anything now. All he knows now is Dean. 

(He knows of shining emerald-green eyes and clean-cut light-brown hair. He knows of a red imprint that oddly matches his own hand on an arm that was not his. He knows of sun-kissed skin that he had memorized more than his. Dean had been there when he was lost. Dean had been the arm he held on to, had been the light leading him out of the dark. Dean had been the voice waking him up on sunny mornings, the voice that would tell him to sleep in when it had been raining. Dean had been the laughter that would welcome itself into his ears, had been the comfort Castiel had needed. Dean had been everything.)

All Castiel knows now is pain.

(Dean _is_ everything.

Dean is the reason Castiel wants to stay in even on sunny mornings. Dean is the reason Castiel doesn’t go out. Dean is the reason Castiel doesn’t eat, sleep, or even function properly. Dean is the reason why it rained on what Castiel is convinced should have been another warm summer’s day. Dean is at fault. Dean is at fault for everything.)

All Castiel knows now is the past.

( _It isn’t Dean’s fault_ , Castiel thinks. A sentence that is oddly familiar brings itself into Castiel’s mind. _It’s not about fault, it’s about will._

His mind is brought back to a warm body in his arms, to a bleeding torso, and to uneven breathing.

“Cas…”) 

Castiel stands up, holding his trench coat tight in both arms. He walks to the stage and looks at the people gathered in front of him. He smiles weakly at them and looks down at the microphone in the middle of the stage.  
“Dean,” he starts. “Dean is my anchor.” Castiel looks at the crowd of about thirty people looking at him. He brings his eyes over Sam, who offers him a big smile, mouthing You can do this. “He used to call me an angel,” Cas smiles to himself. He looks back at Sam whose smile has left and replaced with eyes that showed apparent sadness. “His angel. I would tell him that he was crazy, that angels didn’t exist. And he would smile sadly like he had remembered something that pained him. Until now I do not understand why he would do so, but I knew better than to ask. He would tell me that I was sent straight down from Heaven and I would just laugh. This,” Cas holds up the trench coat. “was his favorite thing. It was what I wore when we first met. And now I’m leaving this here, to be buried along with him, in hopes that he will bring it along as he comes up to Heaven.”

(Cas looks at Dean with pain all over his face. He puts his hand over Dean’s which was on his own stomach, pushing down at it to stop the bleeding.

“Cas,” Dean repeats. He brings himself closer to Castiel, his forehead on Cas’ cheek. He opens his mouth again to speak. “I—” A bullet pierces through Dean’s skull and more blood gets mixed with rain. Castiel looks around and sees people staring and panicking. He mutters a choked “Dean” over and over again. He clutches the body tighter and closer to him, his body filled with horror when he realizes that the once warm body has turned cold.

“ _Dean._ ”)

**Author's Note:**

> I believe that when angels fall, sometimes they can get injured (i.e. become deaf, blind, mute, etc.), in this case, Castiel gets amnesia. So when he falls, he doesn't remember anything, he doesn't remember who he is, where he's from, where he should be. Luckily, Sam and Dean look for him. When they find him and ask him if he's okay, he responds by saying that he does not know who he is or who they (Sam and Dean) are. So they take him in, tell him his name is Castiel Novak, bring him up as family, etc. The Winchesters have also stopped hunting and started to live a normal life. Also, the people gathered in the funeral are all hunters, so they all know that angels do, in fact, exist. When Dean was still alive, he told everyone to not tell Cas about angels and demons and all the supernatural things that are actually real.
> 
> (Nobody knows who Dean's killer is because he was shot from afar.)


End file.
